BlueNote #9

It's been a tough month.

I've lost the one I wanted to marry

But I've gained my self

I have nothing more to say right now but many things to post.

If I knew a word to describe God without patronizing or giving gender

I would say thank you -------

You provide me with all I need

Even as I walk alone.

Even as I walk alone

Even as I walk alone 

Even as I die alone

Even as I bloom alone

Even if she doesn't care.

Thank you.

Self

The magnitude of thought has come to light

The generator of power is burning with growing strength

The triangle is rising and the wings are unfolding.

What a strange time to daydream.

Strange indeed,

I feel the change of the universe coming through me granting me the freedom to be myself

The bondage of pain no longer blinds me and I find myself 

Free..

Free to be Self.

This Self I find cannot be defined, but must be lived.

She must live through me fully.

I can no longer protect her with isolation from reality.

She cries out of joy and fear, it is more than she hoped for.

To feel a connection

To be alive

The grey flesh tones of death have been lifted and a radiant gold shines from within me.

This is me.

Free-dom is my Queen-dom

The ego prefers pain to reality and suffering to truth. This underlying characteristic keeps us enslaved in a brutal world we ourselves create. We cannot blame parents or circumstances for the state of our mind. We can patiently come to terms with the  internal world we have built and let that dissolve into the true greater magnificence of what is.