Welcome

Everyday and every moment is medicine.
I am sick,
I have been sick,
but I've been taking the medicine of the moment.
Ideas disguised as beliefs,
Essences misinterpreted for truths...
There has been a disconnection from reality by reality.
I have built a solid wall against the waters of life.
Sweet life,
Sweet, Sweet Life.

Welcome,
you have found your new home.
I welcome You.
My own  welcome came from a tomb, and I based my life on an idea of death.
Sweet and seductive death.
But I have been welcomed by death,
and death itself told me life is a gift.
As simple as that.
So welcome,
Welcome to life here on Earth.
A life of unreal realities, where reality exists only in knowing thyself.

.

Invisible and Alive

Husbandless bride

Married to death and time

Eternally alone

Caressed by the invisible 

Tears wiped away by spirits

The departed are her bridesmaids and sisters

She is the conqueror of death 

The queen of the sun 

And her love lives forever.

BlueNote #9

It's been a tough month.

I've lost the one I wanted to marry

But I've gained my self

I have nothing more to say right now but many things to post.

If I knew a word to describe God without patronizing or giving gender

I would say thank you -------

You provide me with all I need

Even as I walk alone.

Even as I walk alone

Even as I walk alone 

Even as I die alone

Even as I bloom alone

Even if she doesn't care.

Thank you.

Self

The magnitude of thought has come to light

The generator of power is burning with growing strength

The triangle is rising and the wings are unfolding.

What a strange time to daydream.

Strange indeed,

I feel the change of the universe coming through me granting me the freedom to be myself

The bondage of pain no longer blinds me and I find myself 

Free..

Free to be Self.

This Self I find cannot be defined, but must be lived.

She must live through me fully.

I can no longer protect her with isolation from reality.

She cries out of joy and fear, it is more than she hoped for.

To feel a connection

To be alive

The grey flesh tones of death have been lifted and a radiant gold shines from within me.

This is me.

Free-dom is my Queen-dom

The ego prefers pain to reality and suffering to truth. This underlying characteristic keeps us enslaved in a brutal world we ourselves create. We cannot blame parents or circumstances for the state of our mind. We can patiently come to terms with the  internal world we have built and let that dissolve into the true greater magnificence of what is.

Awaken or Repeat

"silent characters fill my belly
leaving their footprints and ink marks on the walls of my stomach
I crouch over beside myself with pain ,(so i think),
unable to tell if their dance makes me sick or causes me great joy."

I haven't spoken to you in what feels like decades,
but I have held my ground.
I have rooted myself in the soil of the universe,
to whom we have both pledged our lives.
I have kept my word, and have only thought of myself during my loneliest moments.
I have,
 like you foretold, fallen in love with myself.
This love has come to me like a spirit in the night
and has stolen my breathe and has given me new air.
I have never had vision so clear.
I have never been more afraid to see your face again.
In my infidelity, I have gained the eye of the original I am.
I will finally be able to enter you again, for the first time.
My heart is solid, but my stomach responds, I can hear the drums of your coming.
This song, is not the song of victory I had so long replayed in my heart, this song, is the song of mourning.
Still, I stand, rooted in the soil we so long ago pledged our lives to.
The procession arrives, and our eyes meet as they have in every lifetime of ten million years.
I look in you, to see what is left of our promise and what is left of your heart.
I enter the darkest caves and dungeons  and gracefully pass through the holograms of childhood and yesterday.
I find you,
I see you,
the you 
that is me.
My breathe escapes and enters your lips, 
the drums change their rhythm.
I remain grounded.
we hold our stare.
I see the wounds you have brought home, and you see the neglect I have suffered.
You turn from me suddenly and a deep wail is heard from nowhere.
You continue with the procession, again you deem our love unworthy of stopping,
I cannot chase you, I am rooted.

I haven't spoke to you in what feels like decades
but I have held my ground,
I have rooted myself in the soil of the universe, to whom we both have pledged our lives.
The winds carry the sounds of a far away procession. 
I whisper to your heart, to my heart, to the heart we share,
"come home, here is your home, the war has been fought and won, we only await the victory song....come home and play our song"

Personal

Thank you.

You have made a choice to enter my portal.

This portal is yours alone.

You are stepping foot onto black soil.

This soil, is from whence you came, this soil is from the blackness of space,

and it disassociates from color, beliefs, or status.

You have chosen to disconnect.

Now you choose to reconnnect,

To the I Am of Life.

Wherever Life may land.

May you live it.

amun