My new area of interest is Abandonment.
Childhood abandonment as I have discovered is one of the most incredible traumas that can happen to a human being. This trauma is induced by a variety of household situations and conditions. The many forms of abandonment causes many different neural chain reactions in the life of a child. These chain reactions grow continuously into adulthood. Abandonment isn't just an absentee parent but also can include abusive situations, a work-a-holic parent, a parent with an addiction, lack of affection and attention, divorce, death, neglect, meanness and/or an angry parent etc. The list goes on and on.
A child in order to adapt to his or her situation must repress the pain of abandonment, and hide the shame he/she feels. This shame is caused by the abandonment itself, a child instinctively feels that his/her personality or being, is responsible for the lack of love in the house.
Contempt is the third layer in which a child finally discovers "my parent/s are
not perfect, yet I still want to please them".
These layers create an identity for us. This identity is false in nature because it is based on the pain of the
ASC (abandonment, shame, contempt). This false identity is not to be made public, it is instead covered by our outer appearance of being OK,cool popular, shy, angry, nonchalant or whatever personality best fits our needs and desires.
Along with these two identities comes the need for external stimulation, anything that will distract the mind from the internal issues that continue to grow.
Many of us even develop the ability to shy away from help or the idea of needing help.
We feel that whatever is going on with us on our "off"days will eventually go away or can be dealt with by distraction.
This is how many addictions and depression are formed.
Addiction to external stimuli to distract from internal pain.
Addictions can range from :food, sex, relationships, gambling, work, alcohol, school, exercise, music, church, drugs, being alone, etc!
We base our entire lives on ASC and our personalities mold around the issues creating a false self internally and externally.
Alas!
All is not lost.
Positivity, acknowledgement of the issues, losing all judgment (for self and others), compassion for self , and self observance can start the process of answering your life's questions.
The questioning of existence and pain will no longer be answered by an internally wounded child. These questions will now be brought forth by a loved and healed human being.
I am currently in the beginning stages of my healing process. My journey to my true self is something that I am enchanted with. My show is over, I no longer need to seek the approval and love of others. I can forgive my parents (in particular my father) for anything they didn't have the ability to provide me with. I have lost interest in having a romantic relationship for the sake of comfort and acceptance. A relationship based on two whole people, who love themselves and have no interest in sucking the life force of one another now sounds much more appealing to me. I am excited to get to know the Collette who hasnt had a chance to spread her wings yet.
Free from low self-esteem, depression, codependency, partying, drugs, addiction to love, etc.
I would love to thank Don Carter for providing the info for which this blog is based in his
Iceberg Theory!
http://www.internet-of-the-mind.com/index.html
And thanks Don for being so kind and responsive as to encourage my healing process!
Love you all!
Thanks for reading!
