What does being homeless feel like?




Is it a concept, a state of mind, or a physical state of being?

Why does society choose to step over the sick, or choose to drop change into an empty coffee cup?

Do we as survivors in this world hold a responsibility  for those who haven't been successful in providing for themselves?

How precious is the quality of the life we are living?

Some of us are homeless although we have a key and a lock, while others have no place to shower but encompass the warmness any good home can provide ( in the center of our chest.)

lock and key.

jobless

hopeless

covered in dreams

drenched in sweat

dying because of lack of prayer

hungry because of lack of food.

tired because of lack of strength.

We are all sand in the same hourglass, falling at different times,
but falling nonetheless

when will we see we all look at the world from one eye

we just determine how we interpret what we see.

its ok.. go ahead feed the birds.
Smell the roses.
Feed the homeless.
Feed the souless
They are one in the same.

Vday

             

Happy early Valentine's Day,
I am going to confess in this blog. I want a partner, someone who can be by my side ,who can be my best friend, and greatest partner (yes in crime).
I desire passionate kisses all over my body, down my neck and shoulders.
Someone who desires to massage my back and waist.
Someone who likes to laugh and enjoy life.
Someone who doesnt get too caught up in the rollercoasters of my mind and emotions.
Someone who knows my stability is in my love for them.

Yes I Collette, wouldnt mind being utterly head over heels in love.

I wondered if I could ever love a woman as a replacement, but I dont think I can.
I need a man.

Someone strong and beautiful, who will wisk me away from my loneliness, so that we can be lonely together.

Its been too long.
Too many lovers, but no true love..
I miss the taste.


Happy Valentine's day...
..oh yes..
I did already say that..

and then there was nothing.

who am i

i know i am not alone with this type of mind

many others share my stable instability

thoughts dance circles around my head

leaving me drained

everyday is the same begotten bullshit

thoughts and breathing

and eating

and more contemplating

i no longer know what actions to believe in.

i am a sun explosion.

and i fear nothing can stop my unraveling.

Age is my steady partner.

i am but a glitch in the system

a sun beam that cant get close enuff to scorch earth..

a forgotten shadow above the atmosphere.

pointless.

hopeless.

its beauty missed by telescopes and human eyes.

i am a sun explosion..

a star slowly dying.

waiting for the massive atrophy of myself,

so that i may join the dark matter from which i came.

Alo govna!

Hello!
Tonight was a goodnite!
I went to a friends house! and hung out even after everybody went to sleep! I now officially love brooklyn.
I am now listenin to my pandora station,
I didnt get to see my friend C. but im happy for that too. it just gave me more energy to write drink smoke and write.
yes i said write twice.
i honestly don't know why i love to write i guess its because there is not enough comfortable places on earth to be you except inbetween the lines,
but words give it to ya!
 natural like..
anyways i live across from a cemetery, its peaceful.
thus far, i like the visual stimulation of a home/place that can represnt absolute happiness/love and true blue sadness/despair.
thats why i like new york, boston, paris and miami.
They can be so sad or so romantic and happenin all at once!

i have a lot goin on in my mind.
especially about all the ones i love and miss
but i just embrace
and cry at the feelings,
i hope they know i love em'
.. :)
i love you too.

my boy..he is quite amazing

http://creativecombat.tumblr.com/

2011 a day the mind

today i felt a little more energetic.
i wasnt as lazy as ive been,
umm
i got up, i saw people i love
i spoke to loved ones
i worked
i exchanged words and thoughts and feelings.
i pondered without obsessing who I AM
and yeah,
today was a good day.
i just wish i spoke to my mum.

*note
i spoke to a good lady who i understood to be troubled
she was reluctant to admit that wat i perceived was true
she finally revealed, with positive reluctance (aka relief )
that she was concerned about her daughter, (in another country) who hadnt called in 2 days and she couldnt reach her
those two days, rocked her nerves.
i told her it would be okay,

but one can only a imagine a love from a parent to his or her child.

im not saying all of us have received that love,
but regardless, we understand that it should be great, and when its there,
it reaches the ends of the heavens and earth.

I was thinkin
God, if he is at all like a universal parent
then one could see the world in a positive light.
the ones who have it unfair
are like doses of reality to the 'free'.
and they in turn,
understand how to truely cherish life.
when you are living on faith, your heart gets strong.
you no longer depend on anything, or anybody to give you love or what you think you feel you need or want
You began the process of possesing love itself.
You become love.

goodnite

From Miami to New York

Why must I feel this pang in my heart? This slight sense of sadness and depression..an emptiness in my soul that nothing can fix. The sun is my only friend. The palm trees are the only ones that listen to my heart. The soft breeze is my only comfort. My life no longer comforts me. My actions no longer comfort me. I am alone in the winter. Surrounded by eternal white nothingness.. the snow lays a blanket over my heart, and I long to be defrosted. I cant take it here any more. I cant stand being this person the winter has made me. Being alone in the sun is better. At least in the middle of the sun, you cant feel anything but heat, you cant see anything but red.

I am inbetween two sets of clouds. The ones above me frighten me, and the ones below me..i  resent.

Miami was beautiful. It gave me peace and joy to be there. To be in touch with myself. But I have learned that matters of the heart cannot be fixed by leaving your home.. your heart carrys your troubles like a small steel box. Never to be opened by anything but the truth. I thought I would find that truth in Miami. The truth about myself. The truth about why I am the way I am…why I have these feelings..am I ignoring god? Am I ignoring something else? Does god exist in the form I once believed..or is he really all the molecules that make up this universe? Does he require to be praised..or is living in this ever questioning existence enough? How do I find peace? How do I not float thru life like an aimless balloon in the sky..waiting to be popped~

Miami was damn good to me.

The prices we pay to still feel dismay are far too exspensive.

We might as well sing and dance and  drink if we are going to be self destructive. No one told me life could be so long.