Why must I feel this pang in my heart? This slight sense of sadness and depression..an emptiness in my soul that nothing can fix. The sun is my only friend. The palm trees are the only ones that listen to my heart. The soft breeze is my only comfort. My life no longer comforts me. My actions no longer comfort me. I am alone in the winter. Surrounded by eternal white nothingness.. the snow lays a blanket over my heart, and I long to be defrosted. I cant take it here any more. I cant stand being this person the winter has made me. Being alone in the sun is better. At least in the middle of the sun, you cant feel anything but heat, you cant see anything but red.
I am inbetween two sets of clouds. The ones above me frighten me, and the ones below me..i resent.
Miami was beautiful. It gave me peace and joy to be there. To be in touch with myself. But I have learned that matters of the heart cannot be fixed by leaving your home.. your heart carrys your troubles like a small steel box. Never to be opened by anything but the truth. I thought I would find that truth in Miami. The truth about myself. The truth about why I am the way I am…why I have these feelings..am I ignoring god? Am I ignoring something else? Does god exist in the form I once believed..or is he really all the molecules that make up this universe? Does he require to be praised..or is living in this ever questioning existence enough? How do I find peace? How do I not float thru life like an aimless balloon in the sky..waiting to be popped~
Miami was damn good to me.
The prices we pay to still feel dismay are far too exspensive.
We might as well sing and dance and drink if we are going to be self destructive. No one told me life could be so long.
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